My tiny human sleeps through the night now, which means that I now have (kinda) the energy to go out and talk to other adults, but the question is who? And how?!
When I embarked on my quest to try to figure out how to mom (I’m still working on that), I found myself neglecting the relationships that I had spent the past 15 or so years building, and when I tried to jump back into them a year later, I found that I had changed.
To clarify, I still adore my girlfriends, and they will always be my people, but I have found that I need to add some new mom friends to my circle. For one, I don’t have the energy to stay out all night- or past 10:00, and also, while my girlfriends humor me, and don’t think they honestly give a shit about some of the mom worries that I have or the minor mom accomplishments that I make.
This means that I have found myself in a place that I never thought I would be again: dating- only now I’m mom dating. I’ve joined all of the neighborhood mom groups on Facebook trying to find other moms that might want to have a play date. I’m flirting with other moms at story time, wondering if it might be too forward to invite them to the park. And when I do come home from the park my husband jokingly asks if I have gotten any numbers. This is hard – harder than dating the first time around – I can’t swipe right trying to find the perfect mom match.
Mom, that’s what I’m called now- not by my kid, his grasp of the English language currently consists of random vowels being strung together, but by the rest of the world. Conversations that used to be filled with talk of politics and current events (let’s be real- gossip and work), are now filled with talk of breast feeding and poopy diapers. I find myself talking to practical strangers about how much weight our children have gained, maternity leave and at what age their kids started sleeping through the night.
I have a vague memory of having outside interests prior to getting pregnant. I have fleeting flashbacks of nights out with girlfriends and dinner and drinks downtown that lasted late into the night. These days, I’m still up at 2:00 AM on Saturday nights, but now it is to feed a hungry infant, not because of late night dance parties with friends.
I spent 30 years becoming the person that I was pre-baby, and it is a little hard to give that identity up. Adjusting to being responsible for a whole other person is not easy- it is no longer possible to take off for a weekend getaway on a whim, or even run out to get a pedicure, but the trade off is a constant supply of baby cuddles and 4 AM smiles. Do I sometimes miss the nights sitting outside with friends, a beer in hand? Absolutely. Would I trade what I have now to get those nights back? Never in a million years.