Mom dating

My tiny human sleeps through the night now, which means that I now have (kinda) the energy to go out and talk to other adults, but the question is who? And how?!

When I embarked on my quest to try to figure out how to mom (I’m still working on that), I found myself neglecting the relationships that I had spent the past 15 or so years building, and when I tried to jump back into them a year later, I found that I had changed.

To clarify, I still adore my girlfriends, and they will always be my people, but I have found that I need to add some new mom friends to my circle. For one, I don’t have the energy to stay out all night- or past 10:00, and also, while my girlfriends humor me, and don’t think they honestly give a shit about some of the mom worries that I have or the minor mom accomplishments that I make.

This means that I have found myself in a place that I never thought I would be again: dating- only now I’m mom dating. I’ve joined all of the neighborhood mom groups on Facebook trying to find other moms that might want to have a play date. I’m flirting with other moms at story time, wondering if it might be too forward to invite them to the park. And when I do come home from the park my husband jokingly asks if I have gotten any numbers. This is hard – harder than dating the first time around – I can’t swipe right trying to find the perfect mom match.

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Let’s try this again

I’m back! In the past year or so since I published my last post I got tired – because it turns out that parenting is fucking tiring – and I took a nap- apparently a REALLY long nap – but now I’m back! It might be  a year later, but I am once again ready to share my life with the strangers (I’m being optimistic making that plural) that stumble upon my page.

My updated life

In the past year, a few things have changed since I wrote my first post introducing myself.

  • I got married. It’s official, we are traditional family now. What will my crazy colleague judge me about now (don’t worry lady, I can provide you with plenty of material). 28954440_602952200052246_6837604893439060839_o
  • We adopted a puppy. I had a brief moment of insanity and decided that we needed to add a puppy to our loud and hectic life. He is cute though, so he can stay.37327167_10156503472104153_5394364492962332672_n
  • Theo finally started sleeping through the night- I don’t want to say that this is the bullet point that I am most excited about, but…  37285779_10156503472024153_7041184881304403968_n

Bad News

“Your kid has cancer.” Those are words that no mom ever wants to hear- but there I was, in a pediatric optometrist office, living out every parents nightmare.

“Do you have any questions?”

“You need to go straight to Children’s Hospital to see a specialist.”

“You should probably call his dad.”

“Do you have any questions?”

A million thoughts rolled through my brain, and all I wanted was for these strangers to leave me alone with my kid. I needed the doctor to stop talking about what our next steps would be. I needed the nurse to stop giving me sympathetic looks. I needed Dustin there with me. And most of all, I needed to go back in time, just 24-hours prior, when I had a healthy, happy, 22-day-old baby boy.

The specialist at Children’s confirmed the terrible news; surrounded by Dustin and my parents, we were told that there was an 80 percent chance that Theo had retinoblastoma, a rare cancer of the retina, and that we would need to come back in four days for a MRI. When I asked the doctor for any potential positive outcome that I could hold onto for those four days, his response was, “Just hope that the tumors haven’t spread past his eye.”

A long four days

Nothing that you do can prepare you for getting bad news. It is human nature to worry; when you are pregnant you most likely spend some time worrying that something could go wrong, but for most of us, those worries are quickly replaced with dreams of watching your kid learn to crawl, teaching him to play baseball, and watching him go off to college. You can’t prepare yourself to have all of those dreams potentially shattered.

The four days between that first doctors appointment and the MRI were filled with baby cuddles, a lot of worry, and tiny sliver of hope that the doctor was wrong. We couldn’t lose this tiny human that had taken over our hearts.

Good news

Friday morning, we arrived at the Children’s Hospital in Denver and I handed my baby boy over to the doctors. My husband, mom, and mother-in-law and I spent the longest three hours ever in the waiting room, until finally we were called back to a private room.

“Theo does not have cancer.”

I never truly understood the term “weight lifted off your shoulders” until that moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things people say to pregnant people

It wasn’t too long ago that I got to experience the joys of being pregnant for the first time (ie: not fitting into your clothes, constant heartburn, nausea, suddenly hating your favorite foods); and while pregnancy is a beautiful and amazing thing (apparently), there was one part that I found to be more than a little annoying. During the ten months that you are sharing your body with another human, many women, myself included, experience a strange phenomenon in which other people, often total strangers, seem to think it is appropriate to make highly inappropriate comments about your body and your pregnancy. Below are a couple of the gems that I experienced.

  1. Work acquaintance walks up to me during a training-“I didn’t know you were pregnant,” looks down at my left hand, “Are you married?”

Me- “Um thanks, and no I’m not.”

WA- Gives me the most pitying look I have ever seen and says, “Oh, is the father in the picture?”

***Side note, I work in a rather professional setting, and this colleague is a well-educated human who just apparently never learned tact.

***Update, I recently ran into this woman and she asked if “the father” was still in the involved.

  1. Random guy in restaurant points to my stomach- “So you’re pregnant.”

Me- Gives him a weird look

RG-“Are you having a boy or a girl”

Me- “Um, boy”

RG- “Ha ha that means he was on top!!”

Me- “Uh…”

RG- “Ha ha, aren’t you glad it wasn’t doggy style?”

Me- Thinks to myself that this must be what happens when you are dropped on your head when you are a baby, feels sad for the man and walks away.

  1. Friend of friend- “You’re carrying so small, your baby is going to be a tiny mini!”

Me- Envisions her spontaneously combusting.

  1. Dustin- “Come on babe, waddle faster!”

Me- Wonders how hard it would be to be a single parent.

  1. *** This did not happen to me, but to a friend’s sister.

Random asshole walks up to her, looks at her boobs in an incredibly creepy manner and says, “Doesn’t look like you’re going to have any problem with breastfeeding.”

An Identity Lost

Mom, that’s what I’m called now- not by my kid, his grasp of the English language currently consists of random vowels being strung together, but by the rest of the world. Conversations that used to be filled with talk of politics and current events (let’s be real- gossip and work), are now filled with talk of breast feeding and poopy diapers. I find myself talking to practical strangers about how much weight our children have gained, maternity leave and at what age their kids started sleeping through the night.

I have a vague memory of having outside interests prior to getting pregnant. I have fleeting flashbacks of nights out with girlfriends and dinner and drinks downtown that lasted late into the night. These days, I’m still up at 2:00 AM on Saturday nights, but now it is to feed a hungry infant, not because of late night dance parties with friends.

I spent 30 years becoming the person that I was pre-baby, and it is a little hard to give that identity up. Adjusting to being responsible for a whole other person is not easy- it is no longer possible to take off for a weekend getaway on a whim, or even run out to get a pedicure, but the trade off is a constant supply of baby cuddles and 4 AM smiles. Do I sometimes miss the nights sitting outside with friends, a beer in hand? Absolutely. Would I trade what I have now to get those nights back? Never in a million years.

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4 Things to Know Before I get Started

Let’s get the boring facts out of the way first.

  1. There are four of us: Me, also known as Leah and Mom (am I ever going to get used to that??), Dustin aka Dad, D-Mac or Babe ( I know, I know we are creative with our pet names…), Theodore, who goes by many names including: Theo, Teddy, Piglet, Little and Turtle and last, Akira, who we typically call Kira, but she sometimes gets called Monster or Dogface.

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    Kira with Baby Brother

  2. All four of us are native to Colorado (well we assume Kira is, we adopted her from the Dumb Friends League in Denver), and we like the typical things Coloradans do; such as camping, fishing, hiking and snowboarding.

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    Keystone, CO

  3. When Theo was 32 days old he was diagnosed with Familial Exudative Vitreoretinopathy (FEVR), a hereditary disease that impacts the eye.

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    Theo and Dad

  4. As of today I am four months into this whole parenting thing, and learning as I go. It’s an adventure and I can’t wait to see where it takes us!17819090_1439954369455241_6229630955091394560_n