It wasn’t too long ago that I got to experience the joys of being pregnant for the first time (ie: not fitting into your clothes, constant heartburn, nausea, suddenly hating your favorite foods); and while pregnancy is a beautiful and amazing thing (apparently), there was one part that I found to be more than a little annoying. During the ten months that you are sharing your body with another human, many women, myself included, experience a strange phenomenon in which other people, often total strangers, seem to think it is appropriate to make highly inappropriate comments about your body and your pregnancy. Below are a couple of the gems that I experienced.

1. Work acquaintance walks up to me during a training-“I didn’t know you were pregnant,” looks down at my left hand, “Are you married?”

Me- “Um thanks, and no I’m not.”

WA- Gives me the most pitying look I have ever seen and says, “Oh, is the father in the picture?”

***Side note, I work in a rather professional setting, and this colleague is a well-educated human who just apparently never learned tact.

***Update, I recently ran into this woman and she asked if “the father” was still in the involved.

2. Random guy in restaurant points to my stomach- “So you’re pregnant.”

Me- Gives him a weird look

RG-“Are you having a boy or a girl”

Me- “Um, boy”

RG- “Ha ha that means he was on top!!”

Me- “Uh…”

RG- “Ha ha, aren’t you glad it wasn’t doggy style?”

Me- Thinks to myself that this must be what happens when you are dropped on your head when you are a baby, feels sad for the man and walks away.

4. Friend of friend- “You’re carrying so small, your baby is going to be a tiny mini!”

Me- Envisions her spontaneously combusting.

5. Dustin- “Come on babe, waddle faster!”

Me- Wonders how hard it would be to be a single parent.

6. *** This did not happen to me, but to a friend’s sister.

Random asshole walks up to her, looks at her boobs in an incredibly creepy manner and says, “Doesn’t look like you’re going to have any problem with breastfeeding.”